Note: We all play a part in doing what we can to support those struggling with suicidal tendencies. If you or someone you know is struggling, please ask for help. It’s okay to talk about it. Here’s our 24-hour helpline: 03-03 8408 1743/653 1591324 (for Singaporean users). We offer mental health support services when and where they’re needed.
Some parts of the modern world once firmly equated the successful person with one who doesn't take pride to recuperate or one who's silent in embracing vulnerability. Being a constant hustler, overworking oneself with one’s mouth zipped without exposing any signs of emotional exhaustion, seemed to be the hallmark of brilliance as well as the supreme gateway to prestige and acceptance, for many at least. The more the better, or so they say.
Nowhere was this bizarre dynamic more evident than in the notion that all who craves the limelight or a compliment in the boardroom must live that way. This was preached by the majority in local educational systems and the invisible success handbook of the past 20 years – before “mental health is a thing”; before people realised that denying their psychological needs was detrimental to their mental health.
Stirred up by convincing media sources, we may not always be aware of how engrossed we are in the power we’ve given to “a successful and happy life must look a certain way”, an idea that has turned into a firmly established collective belief. However, its maximalist legacy is present within many areas one would come across in life – and within our own guilty responses to the pressure to be more of something, to be of significance to something larger and grander – albeit the adjectives for “a meaningful life” depend solely on the very limited space of one’s perception, as well as the specs and lens one’s wearing to view the world.
On the other hand, the list of notable people who died by suicide rolls out the length of red carpets over at some international film premieres. Take, for example, from the beloved comedian Robin Williams to famous designers Kate Spade and Alexander McQueen. In Asia, we have Leslie Cheung, who was lovingly dubbed the King of Canto-Pop, Vineet Whig, the COO for Encyclopaedia Britannica, Sulli, a former member of f(x), Jonghyun who was from the boy band SHINee, and more.
Suicide Doesn’t Discriminate
Suicide doesn’t discriminate because people of all genders, ages, and ethnicities can be at risk. It’s been a long time since this statement felt anything but mundane. By the time you finish reading the list of famous people who have killed themselves, somewhere in the world another person has done the same. The World Health Organisation reports that more than 800,000 people commit suicide every year with one person every 40 seconds.
Looking at the statistics, suicide is the 15th leading cause of death, accounting for 1.5% of all deaths. And these are just the data we can track.
Putting things into perspective, more people die by suicide than murder and traffic accidents. Perhaps you might be surprised about how it remains entirely strange that through official news reports, we have been hearing so much about killers or tabloid news, and so little about those who take their own lives.
Stigma Around Suicide
To help you understand better, suicidal thoughts or suicide ideation refers to thinking or planning suicide. Therefore, it doesn’t include the final act of committing so.
What many experts in the field are unsure about is exactly how many people are living in the nebulous grey area that includes fleeting thoughts and intentions to commit to such an act. “Research on people who endure passive ideation is limited by this innate stigma that it’s a bad, wrong thing, so people are less likely to report it,” said Eric Beeson, a clinical associate professor, and a licensed professional counsellor at Northwestern University whose research includes attitudes about suicide.
Empathy Deficit
Existing in the real world can result in a bit of sensory overload. Every so often, our thoughts and emotions dictate our current state of beliefs and perceptions. What comes with this is also implicit biases, where we leave little to no space for those around us to feel seen or heard. We then end up preoccupied with our own mind’s chatter. Why choose to be attentive to the evening sky or a conversation with full awareness when a lot is going on out there, would you agree? As a result, the current society we live in is in a constant battle with an empathy deficit.
Kevin Briggs, a California Highway Patrol officer noted for his work in suicide intervention once shared, “from my experience, once a person is on that cord (to commit suicide), and at their darkest times, it’s very difficult to bring them back.” It’s uncanny how the mind can be a place of happiness and imagination, yet at the same time, the hardest prison one could escape from.
However, with just a little bit more empathy coming along the way as we strive to better connect with people and the outside world while halting reactivity, we will perhaps learn to understand that in most cases, it’s not that people want to die; they just don’t want to feel the pain anymore.
With that in mind, we endeavour to break the stigma that surrounds suicide. The more we talk openly, the more lives we can save. Speaking freely can simply be about the comfort of social connectedness and knowing that one is not alone.
It’s never too late for people to begin to care; don’t arrive late to the conversation. Think about what if we acknowledged the possibility of suicidality all around us, normalised asking, and checking in?
How would you respond?
The collateral damage of emotional grief impacts people on a scale we could ever imagine. If you were posed with questions like these: What would you do if your family member, a friend, or a loved one was suicidal? What would you say? More importantly, would you know what to say?
At that point, one should know that it’s not just about the talking that you do, but the listening. As you listen to understand, you don’t argue, blame, or tell the person you know exactly how they feel because you probably don’t.
Alternatively, you can suggest that they connect with professionals, like dialing our 24-hour helpline 03 8408 1743/65 3159 1324 (for Singaporean users) or BeFrienders Kuala Lumpur 03 7627 2929. At Naluri, we connect users to a team of clinical psychologists and counsellors to provide support and guidance.
Hope is essential for survival
According to the data from OECD, the causes of suicide breakdown as follows: 45% are estimated to be physiologically based, meaning it has to do with imbalances in brain chemistry, whereas the other 55% are judged to be psychologically based, driving some people to take their lives because of:
1.Grief about romantic love. 2. Financial or career failure. 3. The experience of humiliation, shame, and social disgrace. 4. Last but not least, loss of hope and direction.
The above suggests an idea of relevant scenarios, how about the most important factor – the emotional aspects? Here are two of the most significant suicidal signs:
1. Hopelessness – believing that things are terrible, and never going to get any better.
2. Helplessness – believing that there’s nothing you can do about a situation.
These two major cues then bring out other signs of intense emotions such as:
1. Feeling intolerable emotional pain
2. Talking about being a burden to others
3. Expressing severe remorse and self-criticism
4. Talking about revenge, guilt or shame, expressing regret about being alive or having been born
5. Isolating oneself or withdrawing from family and friends, and more.
All of which indicates psychological blocks that seem hard to regulate. Consequently, they’re signs of a person who’s crying for help.
From the causes of suicide, we learn how intensely we need love, self-acceptance, forgiveness, a sense of purpose, and above all – hope. Why does hope matter? This is what people need exactly to create self-worth and the will to keep living on this planet. These qualities are no luxuries, they can save lives.
What We Can Do
Although depression is common among people who experience suicidal thoughts, it’s important to note that not all suicide victims were depressed. Studies show that about 10% of the people who make up the suicide population were never diagnosed with any mental health condition. Of course, this could mean that some people never seek clinical examination, leaving untreated and undiagnosed health issues in the dark while suffering in silence, and more.
There’s no single cause for suicide, however, it often occurs when a multitude of stressors exceed a child or an adult’s ability to cope, creating an experience of hopelessness and despair. This is solely dependent on an individual’s perspective, thus, there’s no place for others to blindly judge on one’s ability to cope or how much a person should cope.
But what we can do is to cultivate a safe space for the people around us where equal basic respect is distributed to every individual.
Suicide Is Preventable
Suicidal thoughts are a symptom of an underlying problem. Medications and treatments such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can often help, such as what we're offering here in Naluri. CBT is a type of psychotherapeutic treatment that helps people to improve emotional regulation as well as developing personal coping strategies, targeted to solve pressing emotional problems by way of guiding the person to identify destructive and disturbing thought patterns. In short, it’s effective in helping people to experience positive results they need scientifically and strategically.
Furthermore, societies should call on countries to incorporate proven suicide prevention strategies into national health and education programs in a sustainable way. By offering better surveillance, more effective plans to intervene, and to approach the subject of suicide could come to light.
If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, it’s vital to get help as soon as possible.
In A Nutshell: The Surprise Element
In many cases, those left behind wondering, “What did I miss?" "What could I have done?” In other cases, perhaps there were clear warning signs of the one who tried to reach out for help, but all one got around him or her at that moment was people who were left clueless and didn’t know exactly how to approach the subject of suicide.
What makes many suicides so bewildering is the element of surprise. Take how we react to suicides in the news for example, the outpour of shock and devastation is always palpable. So often, we may have known that a certain person had troubles, we just didn’t imagine them on that scale. But if only someone had stepped in, you never know what a person is dealing with on a daily basis. This can make a difference.
Suicide’s existence continues to surprise us is a sign that there are much greater levels of distress at large than we’re normally ready to countenance. The surprise is evidence of unwitting neglect of one another and of ourselves. Similarly, a tiny proportion of the population do ever commit suicide reveals evidence of the scale of hidden anguish.
While no society can eliminate grief, there’s so much to do around the interpretation and acceptance of difficulty, which can alleviate the risks of suicide. In fact, societies with low suicide rates have a greater acceptance of failure, a higher role for forgiveness, and a status system that honours intrinsic value over achievement.
Collectively, this is proof of how we owe each other and ourselves far more compassion than we currently tend to give.
If you’re having suicidal thoughts, know that you’re not alone. You should also know that feeling suicidal isn’t a character flaw, and it doesn’t mean you’re weak. It only signifies that you’re experiencing more pain or sadness than you can cope with right now. Reach out to professional help.
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